Dum MuhReen Tells Fairy Tail What's Up
by insanemonkeyboy
Summary: One day a troll named Dum MuhReen decides he's so awesome that he's gonna become Fairy Tail's number one mage. But first he has to pass an entrance test. What is it? Read and find out. EXTREME CRACK FIC. One-Shot (A/N... Yes, the character is supposed to be really lame)


**I don't own Fairy Tail, or the characters. Mashima does. You know. Standard disclaimer stuff.

So... Just a... um... one-shot to clear my writing brain and blow off a little steam... Features a... ummm... OC who decides he's gonna' join Fairy Tail...

Ummm... This took like half an hour to write... so don't get too critical of grammar... or stuff...

Yeah.**

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"Oi Flame-Brain! Get your dumb ass over here and say that again!"

"You wanna' fight stripper?!" Natsu instantly charged Gray, and the fighting ensued. Soon the guild erupted into an all out brawl.

Yep. Just another normal day in Fairy Tail.

Suddenly the door squeaked open a few feet. Not super far, just far enough to reveal a short, pimple-faced man with his leg fully extended. Apparently, his intent had been to kick the door wide open or down, but the effect was less than overwhelming. His lime-green hair was cut in a buzz cut with a low fade. His flesh-colored nose ring made it look like he had a small penis hanging from his face, which rivaled Ichiya's claim to 'handsomeness,' and he had Fairy Tail symbols and the words "epic badass" tattooed in hot pink all over his arms and neck.

"Yo weak-ass pun-ow!" The door, recovering from the feeble kick it had received at this new persona's epic bad-ass entrance, returned to smack his face right on the end of the dick – er, I mean nose. He then kicked the door again, causing it to budge a few inches. Enraged by this door's refusal to submit to his awesomeness, he put both hands against it and pushed the stubborn obstacle in front of him with all his transcendent might. Finally, after a full two minutes, the battle was won, and the door was planted firmly against the wall. Satisfied, the stranger turned back to the guild, wiping his nose and then running his hand through his lime-green hair.

"Alright, let's try this again. Yo weak-ass *oof*" The evil door that guarded this guild had just retaliated again while his back was turned, smacking him firmly on his sensitive buttocks with enough force to make him face-plant on the guild floor.

By this time the guild brawl had stopped as everyone turned to look at the newcomer. Getting up and brushing himself off, he shot a glare at the door, going up to it and giving it a kick for good measure. _That'll teach it_. With the upstart door conquered, he quickly turned to the guild, who were now all staring at him, most likely due to his epic display of awesomeness.

"Yo weak-ass punks. I'm here to grace your pathetic little guild with my ultimate awesomeness. I'd like my guild mark on my hand where everyone can see it. I thought about my forehead, but then it would mar this absolutely perfect face, which I'm sure all you lovely ladies are going crazy over."

"Umm," Makarov looked unsure of what to say. Clearly the old geezer was dumbstruck by his sheer awesomeness. He finally managed to piece some words together. "Well, first why don't you tell us what kind of magic you use?"

"That's simple," he smirked. "I'm a troll."

"A troll?" This comment came from the dense idiot with pink hair who thought he was hot stuff. "I thought trolls were supposed to be really big, scary creatures."

The stranger looked at the boy like he had two heads. "Pff – what an idiot. Though I can see why we trolls might intimidate creatures with our awesomeness, we're all the same size as your average human. The name's Dum MuhReen by the way. Don't forget it."

"Umm… Ok Dum Muhreen. You—"

"It's Dum MuhReen. MuhReen, not Muhreen!" The now identified man – er, troll – corrected. "Get it right, geezer."

"Oh. Well, Dum MuhReen, you still haven't told us about your magic."

The man sighed, exasperated at having to explain himself to this old geezer. "Well, you may want to prepare yourselves for a shock. Many people experience depression and supreme lack of self-confidence after seeing my magic at work. I'm really, really good at insulting people with nothing to back it up. I also excel at shitting myself. And more than anything else I'm good at being a troll."

"Ok…" Makarov sighed. "Look, Dumb MuhReen—"

"Dum Muhreen! No 'b' in it!" Dum MuhReen said. "God you're an idiot, geezer."

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, normally we don't require anyone to pass any sort of test to enter, but with you I'll make an exception. If you can beat Romeo in a magic duel I'll let you enter the guild."

"What the fuck old man? Have you not been listening to me? I would think after seeing my awesomeness you would've at least done something smart, like, for instance, pit Laxus, or even Gildarts, against me. You're nothing but a senile old piece of shit who doesn't know how to manage a guild or use magic."

"Ummm… Ok… Well, just beat Romeo and I'll let you in."

"Look here you dumb sack of shit. I'm Dum MuhReen. And not just any Dum MuhReen. I'm the 54th Dum MuhReen, and—"

"Oh dear Kami, there are more of you?"

"Of course. You see, when the awesomeness of Dum MuhReen was discovered, there was a team of scientists who decided one Dum MuhReen wasn't enough, so he cloned nearly 100 of us, and I'm number 54, the most awesome Dum MuhReen."

"Are you sure you're not 'number 2'," came a voice from the back of the guild.

"I've got to drop a 'number 54,'" some other wise-ass commented.

"Alright brats, that's enough." Makarov said. "Look, if you're really all that, then this entry test shouldn't be hard for you. Romeo's one of our younger mages, and he's still only a C class. All you have to do is beat him and you'll be part of Fairy Tail."

"Alright you old sack of shit. Since you're so anxious for me to lay an ass-kicking on Romeo I'll be all too happy to oblige."

Dum MuhReen then turned to the 13 year old who had come forward from the crowd. "Alright, weak-ass punk. You don't even deserve to be called a mage. You think you can use fire magic, but all you can do is play with matches. You're a fucking dumb-ass bitch who couldn't even… OH SHIT!"

Suddenly Dum MuhReen's pants were fuller and 2 pounds heavier as several missiles of purple and yellow fire were shooting at him. Even with his superior reflexes he found himself unable to dodge, and took the brunt of the attack, falling to the floor as the lights went out.

"…Maybe I should've had him fight Asuka," Makarov said as he stared at the unconscious, smelly man on the floor.

"You know, that was so funny to watch I don't even feel the need to fight right now." Natsu smirked, looking at the pathetic piece of crap on the floor. "But can someone please get him out of here? That smell is killing me."

Quickly a couple of the unimportant characters dragged Dum MuhReen out of the guild and tossed him back in the streets of Magnolia. By the time they got back the party was already started.


End file.
